2.15: Caught Red, Blue Saves

2.15: Caught Red, Blue Saves

“Married, you say?” Aika repeated, blinking as though she’d just been handed an unformatted math exam.
“Same-sex marriages are not possible in Japan, idiot. Even if you call her a ‘Shinohara’… that doesn’t mean that legally speaking—”

Rui froze.

I froze.

Natalia-sama sighed and shook her head, muttering to herself. “Perhaps we should have asked the Council to rush creating Sumire’s ID card. This might have been a little easier if we had one.”

I nodded, echoing her sigh. We all collectively sighed. 

Akuchi made a tiny squeaking noise like a kettle starting to boil.

A slick bead of sweat rolled dramatically down Rui’s cheek.
I couldn’t help sweating myself.

Aika wasn’t wrong.
We had no evidence.
Nothing at all.

We had zero documents, zero government recognition, and zero proof that “Sumire Shinohara” wasn’t just a name that someone carved into a bathroom stall.

Aika folded her arms, her breasts doing an insulting little bounce, and tapped her foot.

“Show me your ID this instant.”

My stomach dropped like a rock off a cliff.

“You heard me,” Aika said, lifting her chin. “I would like to see your identification. I want to know your real last name too. Who are you even?”

I froze like a deer about to be hit by a bullet train.

Ume hugged my arm, whispering, “Do you… uh… have? Any ideas?”
Her hopeful little smile wilted when I shook my head negatively.

Natalia-sama covered her mouth politely. “Oh dear… this is… so complicated.”

Akuchi stage-whispered loudly, “We don’t owe her a single thing! We should just do our thing. She should go elsewhere and do HER thing.”

It wasn’t that simple, although I wished it was.

Susumu’s ID had been lost during the battle with Mitsuhiko… most likely confiscated or catalogued as evidence in a murder investigation involving… well… me.
And Sumire Shinohara wasn’t legally registered anywhere yet.

Aika narrowed her eyes. “Why are you hesitating? You look like a college student.” Her stare drilled into me. “Who. Are. You?”

Rui and I traded a long, shared inhalation of fresh air… the kind people take right before their lives explode.

She knew.
I knew.
Ume knew.
Akuchi knew.
Natalia-sama very much knew.

Aika had us cornered.

Rui jumped in first, her voice wobbling like a cheap antenna waving in a fierce gale.

“That’s irrelevant!” she barked, far too loudly. “Sumire lost her ID recently. W–We’re in the process of replacing it! It’s already arranged through the Yōkai Council!”

Ume nodded rapidly—too rapidly. “Yes! Very official! Super official! Super mega official!”

Natalia-sama cleared her throat softly, attempting to maintain her dignity despite the situation. “That’s not a lie at least. The matter  is being seen to… in a manner of speaking.”

Akuchi whispered, “This is the worst cover story in the history of all cover stories.”

Rui barreled ahead anyway.

“Why would you need the Yōkai Council to be involved with replacing her ID? Does that mean that she’s really an oni despite your claims otherwise?” Aiki frowned.

“That doesn’t matter!” Rui blushed. “The point is that we were just in the Yōkai world just an hour ago discussing it with them. That’s something you could never do!”

Aika stared at Rui.

Then at me.

Then back at Rui.

Her face said exactly what she thought:

You two are the worst liars alive.

KNOCK

Every head snapped toward the open doorway.

A police officer stood framed in the threshold of Rui’s office.

1. SHIT.

Everyone froze exactly as if someone had just paused the universe.

Ume’s smile went stiff and glassy.

Akuchi shrank into a corner like a raccoon caught stealing rice balls.

Natalia-sama’s tail puffed up with alarm, standing at full alert.

The officer looked around slowly.

“…Why does everyone in here look like some kind of murder is being covered up?” he asked.

He had black hair, black eyes… ordinary ones, not ominous nor demonic… just the quietly observant kind that still made my soul leave my body.

He tilted his head.

A police officer.

OH SHIT.

Are they investigating Susumu’s disappearance? Have they been investigating me?!

My heart free-fell into my shoes.

I looked sharply at Rui, biting my lip.

Did she leave evidence lying around? Something that pointed investigators straight to her?

My mind scrambled.

Did I keep Rui’s tissues with me that long? Did she throw anything weird away? Did ANYTHING trace back to…

No… I used the entire pack to try to stop a single blob of noh-face snot.

A glob so strong it had cracked a wall and turned the tissues into soggy confetti.

Which meant…

My eyes widened.

My ID must have led them to my apartment…
Where they found the wrapper with SSDS on it there…
Then the elevator, the trail, the…

OH SHIT.

My brain was melting down. I was internally sobbing.

What was he going to do to me? Arrest me? Question me? Exorcise me?!

Aika laughed behind her hand, delighted by the turning tide.

“Their eyes say it all. They’re guilty of SOME CRIME! That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? Officer, take this imposter away! She claims to be Sumire Shinohara! They’re trying to pull some illegal identity theft scam!” She pointed right at me.

I nearly fainted.

Ume kept clutching at my arm, SQUISH whispering, “No, no, no, we can’t go to jail… I won’t survive prison food…~”

Look who’s talking…

Natalia-sama placed a calming hand on my back… although her own smile was a little too tight.

Akuchi crept behind the nearest piece of furniture and whispered, “I’m too cute to be arrested…”

The officer blinked at all of us, confused.

Then his expression brightened in recognition.

“Sumire Shinohara, you said?” he asked Aika.

“I did,” Aika declared confidently. “She’s a dreadful scammer. Or an oni disguising herself to steal our family’s wealth! Take her away and lock her up!”

“Why would I do that?” the officer asked, frowning. “She hasn’t committed any crime that I’m aware of.”

He paused, scanning the room again.

“May I step inside?”

Rui panicked.
She nodded.
Then shook her head no.
Then nodded again.

The officer took this as consent.

“I’ll take that as an invitation,” he said politely. He stepped in and gave us a courteous bow. “Excuse me. I’m Amagi Ren.”

Natalia-sama’s ears twitched at the name.

Ume leaned in, whispering dreamily, “Ren… Ren… why does that name sound so romantic…?”

“Don’t forget that you’re mine, Ume! Stay yuri. Don’t go to the dark side.” Rui grabbed her.

Ume giggled.

“Why thank you,” Ren murmured with a completely serious expression, as if accepting a medal. His lips twisted faintly.

Akuchi hissed, “He’s an officer, Ume. He smells too much like paperwork and stress.”

Ren continued calmly, largely unfazed by the miniature emotional implosion happening around him.
“Yōkai certainly are amusing types,” he said with a polite incline of his head. “Present company of the noble lady excepted, of course.” He looked at Natalia.

Natalia-sama brightened instantly, her tail lifting poudly.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, officer Amagi. And I apologize for my friend’s… very cute behavior.”

“Think nothing of it,” Ren replied smoothly. “I’m used to it. Most officers aren’t trained to deal with yōkai matters. In fact, many prefer to pretend they don't exist at all… except for the liaison branch that I'm with. We work with the Yōkai Council directly.”

He said it with the quiet confidence of someone who has signed far too many supernatural incident reports.

“I’m here in my capacity as liaison to the Yōkai community… in search of Sumire Shinohara.”

Every yōkai in the room froze.

Even Aika… who still couldn’t see any of the yōkai straightened at the sudden shift in atmosphere.

“I understand you've been somehow involved in yōkai matters,” Ren continued calmly, turning his attention to me. “And that entitles you to an issuance of a new My Number card.”

From inside his sleeve, he produced a small laminated card with a magician’s flourish.

My breath caught.

Ren examined the photo printed on it, nodded in satisfaction, and held it delicately between two fingers.

“A lovely picture,” he said warmly. “I recognized you the moment I walked in, but hearing your name aloud confirmed it.”

He offered the ID card to me with a small, respectful bow.

Aika’s jaw dropped so hard it nearly hit Rui’s floorboards.

I accepted the card with the grace of a stunned goldfish, nodding dumbly.

“Ah—my apologies.” Ren corrected himself with a soft smile. “I should have said two noble ladies.”

He looked at me in a way that physically hurt.

“What am I, then?” Rui demanded, her hands on her hips. “And Ume is gorgeous too! Akuchi is… just… um… well… Akuchi.”

Akuchi stiffened, her fur bristling.

 “Oh, I see. I’m just Akuchi, am I?” she snarled… and then promptly transformed into a long python and launched herself across the floor with suspiciously efficient serpentine grace. She wrapped herself around Rui loosely, her tongue flicking aggressively. “I’ve had enough of your backhanded compliments.”

“That’s going too far, Akuchi! Stop!” I yelped just as Akuchi opened her jaw and drooled theatrically all over Rui.

Rui shrieked and thrashed. “DON’T GET YOUR SNAKE SLIME ON ME—!!”

“Don’t you dare eat her!” Natalia-sama snapped, stamping her foot with enough authority to freeze the Akuchi-snake mid-slither.

Ren blinked, his expression torn between fascination and a professional kind of horror.
“Oh… a tanuki,” he murmured politely. “I’ve never seen one with my own eyes before, let alone one shapeshifting. For the record, it is within my jurisdiction to arrest you if you consume a human. Accord regulations and all.”

Akuchi hissed dismissively. “Please. I’m not going to kill her. I only wanted to get back at her. Though…”
Her coils tightened playfully around Rui’s body. “It would be satisfying to swallow her whole and make her apologize a hundred times before spitting her out again. But the taste would be too—”

Rui… no longer having any of it, tore one arm free with full oni strength and delivered an uppercut so dramatic it belonged in a shonen anime.

That was a joke that Akuchi had very much overused to her disadvantage. She didn’t have to actually utter the word to trigger Rui’s oni wrath.

KRACK

Akuchi poofed out of python form and collapsed onto the floor as her original stunned African civet form, exposing her real size.

K.O.

“Well then… since no violent crimes have occurred on the premises, that completes my business here.” Ren adjusted his coat, then turned toward me with a smile far too smooth for someone who had just witnessed a tanuki-snake assault.

“It was a pleasure to meet you, Shinohara Sumire-san.”

Before I could react, he took my hand… my hand… and pressed a polite kiss to the back of it.

I stared at him in raw, paralyzed horror.

Rui made a sound like a teakettle exploding.

Ume fluttered her hands against her cheeks. “Oh my… What a gentleman!”

Natalia-sama’s tails fluffed. She giggled softly behind her hand.

Akuchi, still half-dazed on the floor, croaked, “Kill him… mistress, establish… dominance…”

Aika, meanwhile, seemed to lose the ability to form human language. She stared from me to Ren to Rui… then lingered on Rui’s drool-soaked hair with deep, existential confusion.

Ren released my hand gently.
“I look forward to seeing you again at the exams on the 15th,” he said, tipping his hat with grace before briskly excusing himself.

The moment the door closed, silence dropped on the room like a weighted blanket.

…

…

Moments later I heard Old Shreiky wail in the distance as Ren Amagi went downstairs.

Why didn’t we hear him coming? Was someone else screaming when he was on his way up?

I finally exhaled, sinking in place as I lifted my shiny new My Number ID card.

“Sumire Shinohara…” I read, whispering.

The picture was… perfect. Too perfect. It showed me smiling shyly, soft light on my hair.

“When did I smile like that in the yōkai world?” I muttered. “And how did they even take a picture?”

“You smile like that most of the time,” Ume said. “You’re too adorable. I wonder if shikigami was lurking in the background… OH! It was the nekomata that passed us!” Ume giggled.

“Oh! It scribbled something on paper and then walked on. I wondered about what it was doing… Maybe it was sketching.” I blinked, astonished. “Can yōkai draw true to life pictures of people?”

“Sometimes.” Natalia-sama nodded. “Some yōkai do have that skill.”

Natalia-sama and Ume crowded close, peering over my shoulders.

“The picture turned out so well!” Natalia-sama exclaimed, clasping her hands together.

“Truly beautiful,” Ume agreed with a dreamy sigh. “I can see why he was so… besmitten by you, Susu.”

My soul attempted to leave my body.

“Nooooooo…” I squeaked, trembling.

I could handle Rui’s affection.
I could handle Ume’s squishing against me in various ways just to get a reaction out of me.
I could even handle Akuchi’s… unique displays of devotion.

But a man crushing on me?
A tall man with calm dark eyes and a badge?

I shivered so violently I thought I might invert myself on the spot like a dead spider.

“Don’t go to the dark side, Sumire-chan!” Rui yelled.

AS THOUGH I’D EVER, BAKA!