1.39: Fighting Yourself

1.39: Fighting Yourself

A cavalcade of faces shot toward me…dozens of them…circling like moons. They all wore a terrified expression while rotating around their collapsing master. Then, abruptly, they halted… hovered… and began spiraling down onto its prone form.

One by one, their hollow sockets flared with a sick, pallid light.

One by one, they fused to Noh-face.

Its aura thickened instantly. A dark pressure rolled outward like heavy fog. When I’d completed my transformation earlier, I’d surpassed its power. The difference was palpable. But now… now it was swelling past what I’d gained. The air seemed to vibrate with the force of its rebirth.

I hit the ground running.

When I reached it, I leapt… driving an elbow straight into its skull-like head. It barely flinched. I flipped, planting both feet hard into its shadowy flesh. Still it grew. My blows, which should have shattered anything else, barely fazed it now.

And then it rose.

With a single violent surge, it lurched upright and seized the last face hovering above it.

This one struggled to join. It hesitated… almost recoiling. Unwilling to join the monstrosity. Its features flickered with a faint echo of… some kind of awareness.

Noh-face seized it anyway.

The face screamed. “RAAAAAAAHHHH!”

Then it slammed the face onto its own.

Darkness detonated outward in a choking wave. The entire tunnel pulsed with the surge. Pure yokai miasma poured from its body like a death fog, saturating the very air with malice.

…

My breath stopped.

Its new form… its whole grotesque bulk was covered in human faces. Layer upon layer. Children. Elders. Women. Men. Hundreds. All of them fused. Turned into a warped monstrosity.

They wailed silently as they adhered to its limbs, its torso, its shoulders.

And the last one added, the final face that settled into its core up top…

It was mine.

It grinned like me, awkward. Unintentionally mean-eyed. But then the grin stretched into a nightmarishly triumphant expression I’d never wear.

“Ahahahahaha! My PRIZE!” it screamed. “I’m BEAUTIFUL!”

Its spiritual pressure spiked again, almost enough to crush my chest. But I didn’t hesitate. I lunged, my claws flashing, tearing at the faces covering its massive frame. Even with my half-eroded mind, I grasped the truth… the fused faces were linked to its new power. To destroy it, I needed to rip it apart.

It shrieked as I carved two faces off, a spiritual flesh tearing like paper. But instead of weakening…

It grew.

“RAAAAAAAAHHHH!” it shrieked. “YOU… DIE!”

Before I could react, its massive hands clamped around me. Shadowy fingers made of countless faces closed like a vice. It was twice my size now, towering. My feet scraped desperately for purchase as it hoisted me upward, crushing me in its palms.

I drove my claws into its arms, shredding trenches through its flesh. But no blood flowed. Nothing spilled from it… It wasn’t an essence…. just pure darkness.

It brought my own stolen face close, grimacing with my own lips, my mean eyes.

And damn it, my own glare really was horrifying and it had an effect on me.

…

SLAM.

The world exploded as it smashed me against the nearest wall.

SLAM.

BOOM.

BAM.

My skull rattled inside my head. Concrete cracked. Pavement tore at my back, jagged and unforgiving. My thoughts broke apart. My claws tore weakly at its grip, but my strength was fading. There was nothing left to give. No reserve. No hidden power to call on.

I was dying.

SLAMMMMM.

Everything went black.

But then…

A long beam of white light cut through the dark.

I blinked through blurry vision. A headlight barreled toward us, growing larger and brighter by the heartbeat.

We were on the train tracks.

And something in my mind… some last shred of humanity left whispered the meaning…

Train.

Just the idea of it sent a cold jolt through me. I couldn’t dodge. I couldn’t move. But Noh-face hadn’t even noticed, too lost in its murderous frenzy, too intent on grinding me into dust.

Its mouth twitched. But it sensed something.

A horn blasted through the tunnel.

Its stolen face… my face twisted into pure terror.

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”

The light swallowed us.

…

CRASH!!!

But whatever it was didn’t hit me.

Because the Noh-face held me pinned to the wall, I was out of the train’s reach. It barreled into the Noh-face at full force at one hundred and twenty kilometers per hour.

The sound was apocalyptic.

Noh-face flew backward, smeared against a wall. The train, impossibly, stopped dead the instant it struck, as though the kami caught it.

And then it exploded.

A small figure plummeted from above and landed on her butt with a loud thwump.

Rui

Behind her, sprawled across the tracks, lay…

“Ak—Akuchi?” My noh-heart lurched violently.

“Mast… SUSUMU!” Akuchi shouted as he scrambled upright. Then he threw his arms around me with crushing enthusiasm.

Everything inside me ached.

That tiny surviving shard of my mind… the part that still remembered I was me… recoiled violently.

“AKUUUCHIIII!!” I howled, my instincts screaming to fling him away from me. But I didn’t. Not after everything he’d done for me… even if he creeped me out. Even if hugging me with those weirdly strong arms made my skin crawl. I was still glad he was alive.

Akuchi sagged, panting. “That hug drained the last of my energy…” He gave a weak laugh before collapsing again. “Susumu… I used what little I managed to recover to transform into a train and waited. I could not stand by while you were in danger. Use this chance… renew your attack on it! Even a yokai feels the pain of being hit by a train.”

I nodded, though my brain was still rattling.

Rui rubbed her bruised butt as she stood, then suddenly threw her arms around me too.

“Ru… iiii…” I groaned. Everything hurt… muscles, bones, my very essence was pain.

But Rui stroked my head gently.

She smiled shakily. “I’m sorry we failed you. No… that I failed you. Even though you’ve lost your humanity tonight, your sense of self isn’t gone yet. You’re still gentle. You’re still wonderful. Finish this, Susumu.”

She clenched both fists, hopped once, and thrust them upward with determined fire.

“Get Noh-face for Reiko-chan… and for everyone else it killed!”

Her words were like gasoline. They ignited everything inside me.

I let out a guttural growl, pushing myself to my feet with renewed fury. My claws flexed. My noh-eyes burned. I stampeded forward, tearing up track gravel in my wake.

As soon as I saw Noh-face’s broken form ahead, something in me snapped again. Many of its stolen faces were torn or hanging loose from the train impact, leaving it grotesquely uneven.

But then—

It jumped.

It jumped.

It landed, screaming, and charged at me. Still larger than me… but no longer a towering giant.

We crashed together in a frenzy of claws and fists, circling in a brutal blur. Whoever slipped would be flung into a wall. We traded that role more than once. After a violent exchange, I pried free and started hammering it with a barrage of punches.

It answered each blow with one of its own.

SLAM 

BAM

THUD

CRASH

CRACK

CRUMBLE

Our hits echoed down the tunnel like artillery was being fired.

“SUSUMU!!! YOU CAN DO IT!” Rui and Akuchi shouted together.

Their voices hit me like cold water. Memories surged… blurry, but sharp enough to slice through the haze.

“Do it for Reiko-chan!” Rui shouted alone.

That name… Reiko… it flickered through me like lightning.

…

“R-Reiko…” Noh-face rasped.

I froze for half a heartbeat.

Had it understood that name? Was Reiko’s face somewhere in all those stolen faces? Was there some recognition of her name?

But I didn’t stop. I slammed it against a rail, then again, then again. My claws dug deep. My fists blurred. Finally, I hoisted it overhead and slammed it face-first into the tracks.

I punched wildly, each impact denting steel.

A strange idea struck me… desperate, stupid, but hope-starved.

If one name affected it… maybe more names would too?

I shouted at the top of my lungs:

“RUIIIIIIII!!! SUSUMUUUUU!!! REIKOOOOO!!! AKUUUUCHIIIII NATALIIIEEEEEEEE UMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE RICKEEYYYYYY!!”

“URRAAAAAAA!” Noh-face screamed, enraged. “I won’t SHARE! DIEEEEEE!”

So much for that idea.

We clashed again, harder this time. Now I was the one taking the brunt of it. It hurled me away. Charging back, I hurled it back. I grabbed its arm, whipped it overhead, and drove it headfirst into the tracks. Then I ground its head along the rail like a belt sander gone wild.

DING BING TING DING!!!

“Ouch!!!” it cried out loud.

Using my voice. 

“Don’t hurt me anymore! No!!!! We can’t go back!”

I froze.

It freed itself and turned toward me.

And in its stolen version of my eyes… mine not its… shimmering tears pooled.

“Uwaaaaah! We can’t! No return!”

Its eyes narrowed sharply.

Then it lunged, snaring me before I could recover. It twisted, reversed our positions, and slammed me down. My back hit the ground hard.

…

It sat on me.

And put me in a wrestling lock.

A yokai wrestling lock of some sort.

My spine bent backward as pressure built. Pain surged. It was a raw, familiar kind of pain. What it was doing to me was reminding me of the many scuffles I’d gotten into and a mountain of humiliations. My claws dug helplessly into the ground as it applied even more force.

“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” I shrieked.

Visions tore through my mind as pain seized my whole body.

Visions of Reiko-chan’s dazzling green eyes… her soft brown hair… her beautiful smile. 

Then, strangely, another face flickered into its place…

Short-haired, stubborn, fire-eyed…

Her chocolate-brown eyes burned behind my eyelids.

…

When I opened my eyes Rui was there.

The little gremlin-warrior slammed her already-ruined umbrella again and again onto Noh-face’s skull like she was trying to tenderize it.

The creature twisted toward her with a snarl, raising a clawed fist to crush her.

I roared, seizing its arm mid-swing.

“RRRRRRUIIII!!!”

Its expression… my expression… froze in shock.

“That’s enough!” Rui snapped. “I’ll just have to seal you!”

She dove into her purse and yanked out a scroll inscribed with writhing, eldritch symbols. The moment she touched it, the parchment glowed. Rui… who had claimed repeatedly to have zero spiritual power… was wielding a power that even scared me. I sensed that it could take me apart.

Noh-face shrieked and lunged straight for her.

I surged upward and grabbed its ankles. The creature toppled forward, crashing into Rui and sending her slamming against the wall. She slumped, dazed.

“R-RUIIII!!!” I screamed.

I leapt on top of the yokai, clawing furiously. Every blow tore another stolen face free. I targeted each one deliberately. I knew that their connection fueled it. Without them, it would crumble.

I roared, ripping and pounding, tearing until only a single face remained.

Its last face.

The last face was mine.

It glared at me… with my own deadly glare.

I understood why people always flinched from me… Instinctively suspecting and hating me.

My frustration burned. That face… my cursed face. It had brought me misery since childhood.

Fear. Isolation. Pain. 

If destroying it meant defeating Noh-face, then so be it.

I drew back both fists and pummeled at my whole identity.

“NOOOOOOO! YOU FOOL!” it shrieked, desperate. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

I didn’t stop.

I stomped its arms flat and slammed my full weight onto its chest. My claws rose high. It was stunned, and pitiful.

My own eyes were pleading up at me… but I forced myself through the hesitation.

I seized its face.

And drove my knee into it.
Again.
And again.
And again.

My features split open under the assault, shredding into tatters. I finished by tearing apart the final scraps of the false face with my claws.

Noh-face went limp.

For good measure, and because I was drowning in adrenaline and fury, I kept swinging… a flurry of haymakers, claw strikes and then smashed my noh-head against its own.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—!

A train horn shrieked from the depths of the tunnel.

A headlight screamed toward us.

This time, we were both lying across the tracks.

I stayed where I was, trembling.

I was ready.
Willing.

If this was how it would end, maybe it was fine.

…

…

…

“SUSUMU! RUN!!!” Rui’s voice tore through the chaos. It was distant, warped, almost unrecognizable.

Tears welled in my noh-eyes.

Even recognizing her voice I stayed still.

Goodbye… Ru… Rui…

…

 ……

 CRASH!

 ……

……

At the last possible second, some instinct yanked control from me.

I grabbed the limp Noh-face and hurled us both sideways as the train roared past in an instant.
The wind slammed us against the wall so violently my bones rattled.

We slid down the concrete in a heap.

Neither of us moved.

The train’s clatter faded down the tunnel, metal echoes stretching into cold darkness.

“Uuuuuuu…” Someone nearby was crying. It could’ve been Noh-face. It could’ve been me. My mind was dissolving.

I slumped, sobbing incoherently.

Can’t… b-a… sen… tai… no… her… o…

“Her… o… oooooooo…” I whimpered, the fantasy barely comforting me.

If I became a Noh-face I would become the city’s guardian. I would be a superpowered hero to protect everyone. I would become a force to make sure no one else suffered when evil Yokai attacked.

…

A weak chuckle rasped beside me.

“Y-you… win…” Noh-face whispered. “Fool. I lose… for the first time.”

It laughed… a laugh thin, cracked and broken.

Then it leaned in…

…and pressed its face to mine.

Like it was a kiss.

I spasmed in disgust.

D-D-IS… GUST… ING!!!
SO GROSS!
DAMN IT YOU CREEPY BASTARD!!!
DON’T KISS ME OUT OF NOWHERE!!!

It pulled back, smiling with a serenity I didn’t understand.

“I give you… my final treasure… You win… Thank you… Susumu… take back… your humanity… I’m sorry.”

Rui stood just beyond us, her scroll raised, eyes blazing.

“I won’t let you get away!” she shouted.

My limbs suddenly weakened. My energy drained out like my soul was leaking through my claws. Then…

There were lights.

Dozens of them.

Flashlights poured into the tunnel from both directions, an overwhelming flood of white light.

“N-noooooooo!!” Rui choked, sprinting to my side.

“Halt!” the police bellowed.

Another wave of flashlights surged in from the opposite side.

We were trapped.

And I…

I could no longer tell if I was human…

Or already gone.

Illustrations Disclaimer: Locations aren't always 100% canon. Usually they are only representative. Character features and styles may stray a little now and again.

(I'm currently adding new illustrations to book 1 since its illustrations were sparse due to the technology that was available when I uploaded book 1.)

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