1.54: A Lesson in Multitasking

1.54: A Lesson in Multitasking

The waitress swallowed hard, her smile trembling like a leaf in a typhoon.

“W–welcome! Um… p–please forgive us for this situation. We’re not staffed to handle such a large party, especially at this hour, but we’ll do our best!” She bowed so quickly her bangs fluttered. “F–forgive me, but… is there a convention going on?”

“No,” Rui said brightly, winking. “But we are going to an event together later.”

“A… party?” the waitress ventured cautiously.

“Something like that,” Ume purred, flashing her tiny fangs.

The waitress blinked rapidly. “Ah… if that’s the case, won’t the host… provide refreshments?”

“Oh, I doubt it.” Rui giggled, waving the concern off. “He’s a skinflint. The only thing he likes more than money is stepping on people.”

“And… you want to attend this man’s party?” The bewilderment in her voice nearly broke her.

“Oh, absolutely.” Rui clasped her hands dramatically. “It’s simply to die for.”

I stared at her, my brow furrowing. Does she really think we’ll die? Is that supposed to be funny?
“I don’t intend to die today,” I said flatly.

Rui winced. “You’re right, my bad. That joke was tasteless.” Then she turned to the waitress, smiling politely again. “So… could you show us to our seats?”

ONI!! How did she imagine they could serve this many?! It was insane!

If I worked here, I’d be panicking too!

“A-ah…” The waitress waved her hands, smiling weakly. “I’m sorry, but we’re really not equipped for this. But… since we’ll do our best… there are employees on call for… unusual situations. Though it’s a big deal to summon them. People would have to come in on their time off.” She wrung her hands nervously. “But… we… can contact them.”

“It’ll be good business,” Rui said confidently. “You’ll make around one hundred sixty thousand yen tonight, easily.”
She casually pulled out a thick wad of bills and fanned it like a deck of cards.

The waitress’s jaw dropped.
“That would… completely break our sales record for this shift,” she breathed. “But I can’t promise you’ll be served quickly. It’ll take an hour to call the staff in… and probably another hour for the food to be ready. Are you sure it’s worth the wait?”

“Rui, this is unreasonable!” I hissed, turning on the Oni. She shot a glare sharp enough to chop vegetables.

“I know it’s unreasonable. Natalia-sama sent us here. This wasn’t even my idea.” She shrugged. “Besides, where else would be open this late? Do you not like Regal Boost?”

“I’ve been here before.” I tried to smile, though it came out a little crooked. “The food’s good. My favorite is the hamburger steak special. My co-workers never wanted to come along, so I stopped going. But… I don’t personally have a problem with it… but….”

“Susumu-sama…”
Akuchi, who’d been silent until now, stepped forward with a hopeful gleam.
“Do you truly want to eat here?”

I tilted my head. “Um… honestly? I’d be satisfied with conbini food, honestly. Fried chicken, instant noodles… anything’s fine with me.”

“You’re so EASY!” Rui laughed—and punted me in the shin.

“Gah—!”

I hopped in place, clutching my leg, glaring down at the demon child pretending to be a human girl. She stared up at me like a tiny yakuza lieutenant, eyes blazing with determination.

She really wanted to eat here.

Probably so she could cause chaos, just like she did to that poor conbini clerk.

Her gaze sharpened, and mine crossed slightly. I sighed.

“Y-yes… I’d love to eat here…” I turned an apologetic look toward the waitress, whose soul was visibly trying to escape her body. There was no reasoning with an oni when she had decided on something.

“W-well…” The waitress straightened her back, clearly trying to keep her consciousness from slipping. “Let’s… proceed. Everyone, please seat yourselves. I’ll get menus to you shortly. We’ll have the night cook start as soon as possible, and I’ll call for reinforcements.”
She swallowed. “Please understand… it will take quite some time.”

The river of vampires surged toward the tables like a shadowy flash flood.
Several small skirmishes erupted immediately as they fought over seating in what must have been the goth equivalent of territorial disputes. My pity for the waitress grew tenfold.

“Please… seat yourselves as you wish,” the waitress managed, attempting a firmer tone as she pointedly ignored vampires wrestling over a booth like angry house cats.

“Wait a moment.”

Akuchi glided toward the waitress.

The poor girl froze.

Akuchi leaned in… closer…
Closer…
Her nose nearly touched the waitress’s cheek, sniffing intensely.

“A-Akuchi—” I started to say.

Too late.

With a muffled pop, Akuchi exploded into mist.

When the haze cleared, a perfect copy of the waitress stood there.

The actual waitress’s eyes rolled so far back in her head she could’ve told us what her own brainstem looked like. She teetered like she might faint or transform into a pillar of salt.

“Y-you shouldn’t do that!” Rui shrieked, stomping her foot. “Idiot! Don’t flaunt your powers or bully humans! It’s against the rules!”
HER of all people, lecturing others on restraint?! I wanted to scream.

“It’s for the sake of my master… my husband… my eternal partner!” Akuchi retorted proudly. “Besides, I already broke every single rule at least once! I may as well break more!”

And she promptly exploded again.

This time the foyer filled with a blinding mist.

When it cleared—

There were SIX waitresses standing side by side.

The real waitress screamed.
I screamed.
The vampires screamed with us.

“Susumu-sama?”
Five clones cooed at me in unison.

At least now I knew which ones were Akuchi.

“I–I didn’t know you could do THAT!” I gulped. “Are they… real?!”

“Yes!” all five chirped together.

They converged on me like a pack of affectionate wolves.

“W-wait—WHAAAAA—?!”
Breasts… six pairs… pressed in from all sides. I nearly had a spiritual out-of-body experience.

“Ah—look at the time!” I blurted, pointing desperately at the wall clock like it held the secret to escaping hell. “W-we need to get started! A-Akuchi! Are you sure you can handle all this showboating on top of tonight’s mission?!”

The Akuchi quintet tilted their heads in perfect synchrony and smiled like a row of mischievous dolls.

Meanwhile, the real waitress staggered backward and hit the counter hard, short-circuiting. Ume slipped an arm around her shoulders and whispered soothingly. The girl’s eyes somehow got bigger.

Then suddenly…

Rui grabbed my wrist from behind and yanked me straight out of the Akuchi circle.

“We’ll let her handle it,” Rui declared smugly, dragging me toward an empty table in the corner. “She’s useful. Make sure she joins my detective agency after we crack this case!”

So bossy…

She shoved me into a seat, plopped down across from me, and rested her elbows on the table, her chin in her palms, watching me with practically glowing, predatory amusement.

“Ah…” I laughed weakly. “I have no idea how Akuchi can push herself this far, but… she really does seem dependable.”

My gaze drifted from her bright, mischievous smile toward the vampires.
Akuchi was already serving every single table… six clones distributing menus at supernatural speed. It wasn’t long before one of the Akuchis reached us.

“Hiya! I’m Akuchi. I’ll be your waitress for tonight!” she chirped. “Here are your menus! Please read them carefully and choose wisely! Let me know if you need anything!” She winked.
From other parts of the diner, I faintly heard the same greeting repeated… just slightly less enthusiastic than the one directed at me.

“Ah… th-thank you…” I murmured, my guilt tightening my chest. “You don’t have to work so hard. You should enjoy a warm meal too.”

“I could split off one more Akuchi,” she said thoughtfully, tapping her chin, “so that another me can relax with my friends… but doing that would tire me out more.”

She smiled warmly… too warmly for someone juggling half the restaurant by herself.

“I’ll tell you a secret,” she added, lowering her voice conspiratorially. “Whenever I make more clones than I should, all the memories come crashing back together afterwards. Every. Single. Moment. They combine… but not cleanly. It’s messy. Disorienting. A tangle of overlapping timelines. It feels like my sense of time gets shredded.”
She shrugged. “I don’t like it… but I’ll do it anyway. Because it helps you.”

I smiled back, touched.
But trauma is trauma, and despite her kindness, I still couldn’t unsee the… features I’d once glimpsed beneath that skirt/kilt hybrid.
Try as I might, the image haunted my every blink.

“Thanks for your hard work, Akuchi,” I said sincerely, opening the menu and lifting it like a protective shield. My eyebrows knit together as I scanned the choices.

Rui had already begun reading hers… but the aura rolling off her was unmistakable: pure annoyance.

“CURRY!” Rui bellowed. “And oolong tea! Thank you!”

I blinked.
Curry again???
Curry had nearly destroyed me earlier.

I stared at the menu, trying to decide.
The curry here was good… but did I dare risk it after Ume’s arcane concoction?
The hamburger steak special tempted me. It was my usual, and always satisfying.
But the hotpot… discounted… warm… comforting…
Maybe a change would be good. If this was my last meal, I might as well be adventurous.

“All right…” I said. “I’ll have the hotpot. Thank you, Akuchi.”

She beamed. “Hotpot! Excellent choice! And your drink?”

As I pondered tea options, my mind drifted.
Akuchi had once said she’d traveled from Africa to Japan… but I hardly knew anything about that journey.
Her Japanese was flawless.
Her ability to adapt was terrifyingly efficient.
Was waitressing a job she knew well?
Was she just naturally good at this?
And what was the correct pronoun for someone who changed bodies like outfits?
Her gender was basically… mood-dependent.

“Um… I’ll have tea too. The same blend Rui ordered. No point in having two separate pots.”

“Of course, Susumu-sama!” Akuchi bowed. “I’ll take your order ri—”

A foul odor drifted through the air like a demonic fog.

“OH KAMI… what IS that?!” I gasped, pinching my nose.

Rui snorted. “Oh, that? That’s definitely Ume-chan’s uncanny cooking.”

Illustrations Disclaimer: Locations aren't always 100% canon. Usually they are only representative. Character features and styles may stray a little now and again.

(I'm currently adding new illustrations to book 1 since its illustrations were sparse due to the technology that was available when I uploaded book 1.)

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