Chapter 24 - What Could Go Wrong?

Chapter 24

What Could Go Wrong?

I closed my eyes and waited for the sharp flare of pain that never came.  After a moment I opened my eyes and looked at the nipple ring that was still sitting in my inventory. 

Curious, I tried to equip it again, making sure to keep my eyes open.

No available equipment slots detected

What?

I looked at my paper doll and saw two available nipple ring slots.

I went back to my inventory and tried to equip the nipple ring again, but got the same error message.

Surely it doesn’t require me to…  No, I better double check.

CLAY: Hey Simbul, why can’t I equip this nipple ring I got in a loot box?

SIMBUL: Is your nipple pierced?

CLAY: No?

SIMBUL: Then you can’t equip it unless you pierce your nipple.  All piercings require you to have an existing piercing to equip.  What did you expect, the equip system to pierce it for you?

CLAY: …

SIMBUL: …

CLAY: Thank you, Simbul.

SIMBUL: Any time!  BTW, I plan on dropping volume 1 of ‘The Magic Girl's Dilemma: My Familiar and My Best Friend Are Fighting Over Me (But Actually, They Want Each Other Too!)’ out on the open tunnel soon.  Would you like me to ping the feed to your interface when I post it?

CLAY: What do you mean?

SIMBUL: Oh, right… Earth terms.  Think of the tunnel like a massive galactic streaming network.  I'm uploading it to the public entertainment boards.

CLAY: Wait. Simbul... I thought you were just drawing that to pass the time as some weird little hobby.  You're publishing it?!

SIMBUL: Well, yes.  I gotta build my retirement fund somehow.  This will also help you out too, you know, once the feed goes live, you’ll already have a fan base!  You’ll probably make a killing on the fan boxes!

I shut the chat down in a daze.

She is going to post that for the whole galaxy to see…  What the fuck have I gotten myself into?

I shook my head and thought about solutions to my nipple ring problem.  The extra stats were just too good to pass up, right?  Sure, it was only a +2 Charisma, but every point boosted my damage and charm abilities, which was a good thing.  On top of that Voice of Discordance sounded like a damned good way to book it out of a bad situation in an emergency… but there was that comment on that achievement about friendly fire existing, so I would have to be careful.

Let’s see, Lynn and Mary went to the baths and haven’t come out yet, so maybe they can help.

I nodded to myself and moved toward the baths, intent on asking them for help. 

“Where are you going?” Matt asked as I passed him, his eyes darting in the direction of the baths then back to me.

“I need Lynn’s help with something,” I told him, hoping he would leave it at that.

“You could just message her and have her meet you out here, why do you have to go into the baths where my girl is?” he demanded.

“Because I’m not going to bare my breasts in public for anyone to view or manhandle, Matt,” I told him and his face turned a fiery red.  “I trust Lynn to help with this issue, but it is a girls-only issue, so I’m going to where the other girls are to get one of them to handle it.”

“Wha- I- You-“ Matt stammered in response, unable to form any comprehensible thoughts. 

Seeing that Matt.exe had momentarily stopped working, I quickly darted into the baths. 

Lynn and Mary weren’t in the locker room, I would have been surprised if they were, so I unequipped my gear and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around myself.  The only thing I was still wearing aside from the towel was the pouch across my back with the egg.  I had considered maybe putting it in a locker for safe keeping, but something told me that it would be better off staying on my person for as much time as possible.

I opened the door to the araiba and waved to the girls who had seen me enter from where they sat in the water.  After some reluctance, I carefully placed the egg and its pouch to the side then removed my towel and cleaned myself after a fumbling, but somewhat successful attempt to put my hair in a bun so that it would stay dry.  When I went to enter the baths, I moved the egg to a safe spot on one of the shelves and gave it a little pat, warmth filling me with each tap. 

“You stay safe here, okay?” I told it.  “Mommy will be back in a bit…”

I paused.

Why did I tell it I was ‘Mommy’?  There are any number of terms I could have used instead.

I sighed as I shook my head.

“I’ll be back little eggy,” I told it again and made my way toward where the other girls waited.

“What was that, Callie?” Mary asked as I lowered myself into the pool. 

“It came in a loot box, ‘Mysterious Egg!  What is it? Who knows? Fuck You!’ that sorta thing,” I explained.  “I can’t put it in my inventory because it counts as being alive, so I have to carry it around in the pouch and try to keep it safe somehow.  It is very comforting to touch and carry though, so there is that.”

“The AI gave you an egg to babysit?” Lynn asked, arching an eyebrow.  “Weird.”

“Yep…  Have either of you opened your new loot yet?”

Both of them nodded. 

“It was mainly potions, some torches… Mary got a spell that lets her make Ice Darts that can either be shot in a fan pattern in front of her or focus on a single target.  She also got some gloves of Intelligence like you did, and a pair of earrings that increase her ice damage,” Lynn said.  “Let’s see, other than potions and torches, I got a spell called Blood Boil which, as the name implies, can make blood boil, but it costs all my mana to cast.  I also got earrings, like Mary, except mine boost fire damage, which is totally my thing.  Oh, and for some reason a piercing kit came with the earrings, but my ears are already pierced so I don’t need it, and it looks like it's meant more for body jewelry anyway.”

My ears perked up.

“A piercing kit?” I asked.

“Yeah, has the clamps, the proper needles that allow you to feed the jewelry through, everything,” she said.  “I guess you could use it on ears, but it would only be useful for larger gauges and cartilage piercings.”

“So… hypothetically… You could give someone a nipple piercing if they had the jewelry to go in it?” I probed.

“It even had barbells, so having something to put in it isn’t an issue,” she said, giving me a weird look.  “That was an oddly specific piercing to name, Callie.  Been considering getting one, have you?”

“I would go with the belly button instead of the nipple if I were you, Callie,” Mary told me.  “Nipples hurt.  The belly button isn’t too bad and it’s a cute piercing.  It’d look good on you if you ever get something to expose your midriff.”

I pulled the nipple ring out of my inventory and held it out to Lynn. 

“So, you think you could equip this on me?”  I asked.

She looked at it then back at me.

“Are you sure?” she asked, eyeing my chest, which I had not bothered to cover up this time.  “It’ll probably hurt like a SOB, and I’m no professional.”

“It’s just a piercing, what could go wrong?” I replied with a shrug.  “And even if it does hurt, I have healing potions and a heal spell.  That even takes infection out of the equation.” 

“Okay…” She looked doubtful.  “I’ll do it after we get out of the bath.”

New Achievement: What Could Go Wrong?

You actually said it.  Out loud.  In a dungeon where literally almost everything is trying to kill you. 

There are certain phrases intelligent people learn not to say.  “How hard could it be?”  “At least things can’t get any worse.”  And, of course, the undisputed champion of tempting fate: “What could go wrong?”

Nothing, probably.  I’m sure it’ll be fine.

Reward: None!  No need for rewards.  After all, what could go wrong?

“Really?” I asked in monotone, causing Lynn and Mary to look at me curiously and I relayed the achievement to them.

“Well, that’s not ominous,” Mary said before rising a moment later to get out of the water.  “I’m gonna go check on my brother, then find Matt.  You girls enjoy yourselves.”

We both waved at her as she went to retrieve her towel then turned our attention to the nipple ring in my hand.

“So… You want to do this sooner?  Or later?” Lynn asked.

“The sooner the better, I think,” I told her.  “I have to know just how real these things are.  I know I can feel when things touch them, but the big question I have is, will them getting hurt damage my health.”

“Well, Callie, I know boobs and yours felt pretty real last night,” she said with a grin.  “They don’t look that bad on you either, just saying.”

“Yeah, yeah.  Do you want to do the piercing in here or in our room?” I asked.  “Benefit to in here, if I bleed everywhere and it makes a mess, it’s easy to clean up.  Benefit to the room, it’ll be a more comfortable environment.”

“Let’s just do it in here,” she replied.  “We are both naked already and like you said, easier cleanup if we make a mess…  Just to warn you, I personally haven’t pierced anything more extreme than ears on another person.”

“I trust you,” I told her as we climbed out of the water.

I went to the stool beside my egg and reach out to let it gently while Lynn pulls the piercing kit out and sets everything up in the order she will need it. 

“Okay, Callie, sit.  Have you thought about which one you want it in?” she asked me.

I sat on the stool.

“No?” I told her.  “Does it matter?”

“Not really, but I tend to lie on your right in bed so left might be best do I don’t bump it accidentally.”

“Left then.”

She nodded and grasped my left breast, holding it steady while bringing silver clamp toward it.  Near where her fingers entered the loops on the handle of the clamp, I noticed there was what looked like a rubberband that kept forcing the clamp closed, requiring tension to open it. 

I gasped as it closed on my breast, pinching my nipple painfully and she let it close then left it hanging as she retrieved the needle.

“You okay?” she asked when she turned back and saw the way I had gritted my teeth in pain.

I nodded and waited for her to continue.

“I’m about to stick the needle in,” she told me, moving the needle toward my clamped nipple.  “Okay, you may feel a little pin-“

I looked at Lynn who was frozen, needle poised just beside my pinched nipple, with a glowing Naughty that had appeared above her head.  Her eyes were full of murder, hopefully at the prospect of being frozen in place and not towards me.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I asked out loud.  “She was just helping to equip an item.”

I looked at the needle in Lynn’s frozen hand and sighed.  I reached out and took the needle for myself and looked Lynn in the eyes, which still burned in rage. 

“I’m sorry, my Love,” I told her.  “I didn’t know that would count as an attack.”

I looked down at the needle in my hand and my still clamped nipple, which, to be honest was starting to go numb, though the area around where the clamp held on still hurt like hell.

I guess I’m going to have to try to do this myself.

I hesitated for a moment, after getting the needle lined up, then pushed it through, gasping in pain as the needle pierced my flesh.  For a moment, I almost pushed too hard, forgetting to leave the needle sticking out on both ends, but I caught myself.

Still breathing heavy in pain, I reached up and grabbed the Nipple Ring of Discordance, and used it to push the needle through, letting the needle guide it.  Once it was in place, there was a slight clicking sound and the nipple ring grew warm. 

I looked at my health bar and saw that it had dropped slightly, and upon confirming that, I removed the clamp, which immediately caused the slight numbing to vanish, reminding me instantly of the trauma I had just inflicted on myself. 

I cast my heal spell, and the pain disappeared.  Looking at my health bar, I saw my health was back to full, as expected. 

New Achievement: Taking One for the Team

You voluntarily shoved a needle through your own nipple.  Why?  Fashion?  Rebellion?  An exciting new hobby?  Nope!  You did it for the stats.  You looked at a perfectly good nipple, looked at an enchanted piece of jewelry offering +2 Charisma, and decided the math checked out.  Some people suffer for beauty.  You suffer for your character sheet.

Reward: Nothing!  You already got +2 Charisma, you greedy little princess.  What more do you want?

New Achievement: Do It Yourself

When the Dungeon tells you no, most people take the hint.  Not you!  After watching your girlfriend get put in timeout for trying to shove a needle through your nipple, you decided to take matters, and sharp objects, into your own hands.  Congratulations!  You have discovered that Safe Rooms protect you from other crawlers, but apparently not from your own terrible decisions.  This is valuable information.  Please use it irresponsibly.

Reward: Nothing!  The knowledge that you can hurt yourself whenever you want is its own reward.

I laughed at the two achievements that had just popped as Lynn unfroze in front of me.  She glowered at me.

“What’s so funny?” she demanded, so I told her.  By the time I finished reading them out to her, she was laughing too.